What?

I get myself in some "I Love Lucy" situations, a good friend once told me. If Lucy hummed the national anthem while giving a blowjob to her boyfriend cause she lost a bet, consider me a modern day Lucy then. (Apparently Southwest Airlines doesn't fly to Maryland...in case you were wondering what I bet on).

I never realize how odd some of things I do are to other people until I tell someone else that story. It depends on the person. Sometimes I'll get, "Ner you're insane" and other times female (and some male) friends want to live vicariously through my (sex) life. I always assume I'm being judged so telling someone I'd rather get a facial than say I'm sorry to a significant other or that I shit on my neighbors lawn 'cause I was too high to walk from my car to my house isn't really a problem.

What I'm getting at is a decision that I made which wasn't really much of a decision but more of a "eh whatever". I might as well have said "whats the worst that could happen???" with a big fucking grin on my face. We all know great things occur after someone says that sentence.

Never watch your friends have sex.

Period.

Just leave. go to sleep. whatever.

Nobody gave me that advice. Would you ever think that's something mothers should include in the "talk" with their daughters?

So yeah, I watched my friend fuck her (ex) boyfriend. It was his idea. Surprise. Surprise. We'll call the ex, Dome. (cause he has a big fucking head)

Sexually, I am impressed by very little. In our time out and about together Dome would rant and rave about a thing called "squirting". "SHE SQUIRTS EVERYWHERE!!!"
I've never seen it in a porn, only heard about it.

So we go drinking one night. Upon our wasted arrival back to Dome's house we take more shots and watch porn.

"Wanna see me make her squirt?" Dome says.

Next thing I know I'm sitting on a dresser next to a fish tank eating Sunchips and watching my friend get plowed.

It's a good show.

"Quit eating fucking chips!"

I stop. Continue to watch.

So basically after he's done railing her, with side glances to me in the meantime, he lies her down and well...makes her squirt. So his fingers acted like a jackhammer, big deal, but it's something I'd never seen so it was a "wow" moment.

They resume boning and I get bored so I leave the room and immediately forward my ex the pictures of them I secretly took with my Iphone.

Moving on, I was invited over two days later and long story short my friends ex and her were about to get busy......they dont....because I'm not watching.

"If she wants to watch she'll tell us!!!"

What kind of fucking argument is that??? He won't fuck her because he feels like it's rude to leave me out in the living room. HA!

Awkward ride home with them bickering in the front seat.

As the week goes on they continue to argue. Keep in mind this couple is in the "should we get back together" mode, so, yeah, annoying.

Another drunk night. Come back to the house. Friend passes out. Dome puts on Howard Stern and pours Patron for me that stays untouched.

Huge wrap around couch. Dome sits next to me.

"I'm gonna wack off"

...

"You know what I really wanna do....make you squirt."

I asked if he were serious, which was a stupid question, then gave a "fuck outta here" about 5 times and continued to text.

The next day wasn't awkward. I could have fucked my friends big headed ex boyfriend, the ex she's repeatedly asking should she get back together with. ::eyeroll::

I'm really not in the mood to go on with this anecdote cause it's making me angry, but yeah, I talk with my friend on the phone a day later and the first thing she says to me is "Did you and Dome fuck?"

First off, I have a roster in my purse of mother fuckers I could fuck. It's insulting that she'd come out at me like that. Considering that I've never been the friend you wanna keep "away" from your boyfriend, the statement struck me in a funny way.

"No, but you shouldn't get back with him".

All in all, me and friend aren't speaking. I got a call from her cause I was out drinking one night and said to one of HER friends " Yeah, she's not speaking to me, Dome tried some shit and now she's mad at me" which is mother fucking true.

I knew she'd call me after that one.

"You made me look like an asshole". she says.

So fucking what. You wanna cut ties with me? You wanna cut off someone you've known for 8 years 'cause your ex is making you feel insecure. The ex who asked you to go to a nude beach and you said no so he went anyway then told you about it. An ex who exclaims "Did ya tell em how I fucked ya the first night we met?"

You made your bed. I'm sorry I saw you get fucked in it.

Girls are fucking stupid.



the above pic is by nic adams...cause well...my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

Need.

I need more pictures like this.

I need more excitement in my life.

I need a new/different/better people in my social circle.

Why do the people I connect the most with live so far away?

I'm gonna vent about my current social circle when I get a couple drinks in me.

Now I'm just lazy.

Meow.

I'm at a different place than where I was a year ago.

I quit my job 'cause well, you can only like something for so long. No actually, they suck. I feel kinda dumb that I didn't save a dime...but whatever. I never do. Funny thing is..I got laid off...then got brought back for substantially less money..THEN starting do more work than I was doing when I actually making bank. No thanks. I'm done. The only kid I have to support is myself so I'm not gonna stay working somewhere that pisses me off.

This is the longest I've been home since January and I'm itching to go somewhere.

I also need to bone. I have the tendency to shave for no reason thinking I will have a reason. Then when I don't shave for awhile all of a sudden I'm in bed wearing some rainbow Haitian panties with no elastic and a beige bra hoping he keeps the lights off.

I had the worst sex of my life a month ago. Angered me. I'm tiny. I should be tossed around in bed. Straight up juggle action. This was pathetic. I can't go on anymore.

Happy thoughts....

I haven't had a shoot since I've been back from LA. I'm waiting for Keith's schedule to free up (www.keithmajor.com) so we can do what it do.

I also need a pedicure. God N, Get it together.

The above picture is by "dont credit me" - yeah, no problem Jeff.

Have you done anal before?

Simple question.

I was having a conversation with a gentleman friend of mine, and just asked. He seemed to have gotten offended, I guessed by his short chuckle and teenage girl response of "uh yeah".

I'm sorry...considering he told me he's never had a finger up his ass during a blowjob why was it so crazy for me to think that he's never done anal before? Isn't there some sort of order to those things. I would think finger in ass comes before anal.

I shouldn't talk..I had anal 4 months before I had "real" sex.

Anyway, I think he's lying.

...

I'm bored.

I did a horrible job of keeping up with this blog.

pooo.

Pubilicious

Being single, my pubes have become outrageous. I've recently trimmed only because on Halloween I gogo danced @ Room Service and didn't want any strays embarrassing me.

I must say I do kind of like the way it's looking. You hear that Chip?

I need to get back into updating my blog more often.

So what's new besides my pubies....

I'm getting off my ass and going to castings. I want to begin shooting again. My legs are still healing from the mosquito attack in Florida and under a bridge in Connecticut.

I don't remember if I wrote that I'm renting a room in my friends' house, but there has been a very slooow amount of progress made in fixing it up.

I went clubbing for the first time in a VERY long time and felt so great. The dancing, the flirting, the drinking, the dancing (again). I needed that. I really did.

I gave this guy my number and he called the next day. Hehe. I haven't called back. He's very hot, but seems boring. It's been two weeks, but I think I'll call him tomorrow. Maybe he can take me out for a steak dinner to make up for the disgusting falafel garbage closet/restaurant he took me and my girls after the club. We said "A DINER".

Anyway, blah blah, this that and the 3rd.

I'm out of here.

I'm not dead.

It's been a month. I usually go MIA for a week. It's been something else, to say the least.

I'm single. It had to be done. No really, it HAD to be done. I'm still in love....and have been in a real funk for weeks. I finally went to the salon and did my hair THIS weekend. God was I looking hurt. But you gotta bounce back, you know. Granted, I'm doing as much bouncing as a deflated beach ball, but in time...

I'm focusing my energy on decorating my new room. It's a huge room in my friends house, a house I've been going to just hang out at for years. Well, I decided I wanted it. I'm obsessive right now with the amount of hours I spend online at furniture, paint colors, design ideas...If I don't occupy my time I'll go crazy. Let me just say this room is gonna be piiimp.

Anyway, it hasn't really bothered my that I haven't had sex in awhile. I'm just not thinking about it. The fact that I just typed that sentence means I'm officially going insane.

I haven't even shot lately.

I need something ...motivation ...to make me ME again....a trip...a night out...or maybe... someone